Just when you thought you were safe…

As time progresses phone calls’ meanings change. Mostly a filter. –Best to filter out what you don’t want to spend time on. The wrong party, an interview, credit cards and dates. It’s still a bridge of communication,  from next door to around the world. Which is more valuable? In the end, both uses save time.


Hi, how are you?

– Fine thanks. What can I do for you?

You are uptight, aren’t you?

-Excuse me?

I’m just kidding, lighten up! I’m glad to finally talk to you. What are you up to?

-Getting some work done.  My tone was no longer chipper and I thought about that  saying: “I know a guy”. Well that guy must be one heck of a man. Meanwhile, I’m tired of being surrounded by men who just don’t know what they are doing.

This guy started in on politics as soon as he knew we had majored in and gone to grad school in the same area. Honestly I was most put off when he monopolized the conversation and seemingly ignored every other comment I made. In love with the sound of his own voice, to say the least. He started in on me about my decisions like he knew me. I sat back and listened, completely in awe. Was this guy for real? I thought to myself, I’m not being receptive, he is going to get antsy and play hard ball. I wasn’t sure what he would do… sure enough he slid small insults in the conversation (a very cheesy tactic to get people interested enough to prove them wrong). I called him on them point blank. I really believe that he did not consider me very intelligent because he would try to skirt around answering the question, even when I insisted on him answering me. He verbally bashed his past girlfriends and expected me to feel flattered when he said, I can tell you aren’t like those skanks. –Where did this cave man come from?? This is surreal. I was enthralled and felt a morbid desire to let this guy dig a hole and drop himself in it. Sure enough he did, when he asked how “impossible” it would be for him to get me to say yes.

I cut him off and mentioned how despicable and misogynist it was of him to use such a derogative word, skank, to refer to past partners, and he came back with a “well they were prostitutes, they only wanted to date me if I could fit the bill of their alcoholic binges”. He had completely missed the point and seemed to not realize that by engaging in those relationships he was part of the equation based on interest, where by making him infinitely cheesy. He perceived himself in the right, it was ok to objectify women who were into him for whatever reason they saw fit.

As I was about to end the call I said, you really need to study your market before making a pitch like that. He seemed to be oblivious to my comments. This is straight out from a 1940’s Cantinflas movie. It makes you laugh at the same time it makes you uneasy because you know it’s no joke. Perhaps that is what makes it so funny.

-You know what your problem is? he asked, trying to make it sound like witty banter. Dear God, this is a pseudo intellectual. I didn’t know they were so obvious. and I appreciated ever so much more the guy I really like. Like that movie about the guy who rents himself out as a prick to ex-boyfriends to convince the girl to get back together with “the good guy”. I didn’t answer and let him talk. I had the feeling it would be good.

-You read to much. You are probably applying a formula you learned in a book. but you know what, I find that attractive, I need someone in my life to set boundaries.

Look I said, would you pay attention to what you are saying? Do you not realize what you are saying? It sounds to me you want a teacher or a mother… I’m not looking to be either. Skirt skirt skirt… –Oh, you know I’m just kidding.   Could have fooled me, I thought. Among the clichés he used to oversimplify reality and its worldly problems: you don’t always have to be the best, theory shouldn’t be applied to reality, the problem is as simple as the family nucleolus, that is why anorexia exists in girls, they aren’t loved by their parent’s, unlike you, who are chubby with a healthy dose of self-esteem, you are so “fresa”,  all my exes are sluts, when I set my mind to something I get it, and I’ve set it on you, your problem is you read too much, if you want me to say I love you, I’ll say it, all revolutions are bourgeois and people only change when they reach a tipping point, one which he had reached and needed to stop having fun and settle down, so he thought he should start with me or someone like me. Now  I wish I had written them down, so many inane words and phrases flying out of his mouth. Like a plethora of faux pas and clichés from which one can pick and choose. Never endeavoring in explaining or justifying his point of view… so it ended up just being phrases spewed about like bodies in a horrendous car accident. It must work on someone for him to be so convinced to use it so blatant and obviously.

Truth be told, I fell for something like that in High School, just a more impressive and intelligent version of this misogynist. By God, I did not miss the opportunity to learn then. Now I just steer clear. I hadn’t heard one in my proximity in a long time so  I couldn’t wait to sit at my computer a recall all the phrases he used. I had been so worried that I wouldn’t have anything else to write about. Finally I had a real live character that embodied pieces of the most misogynistic men I know without the intelligence or foresight to cast a web. There was no challenge in his conversation, but it was interesting to see him squirm. It’s probably the equivalent of looking at a car accident. I guess I feel guilty about that. By the same token, what a character, I could have sworn he was reading from a script. I wondered if the camera’s from Punk’d would burst out with Ashton Kutcher, or someone was getting a giggle on national radio. It was so far from my realm of imagination that I felt a bit duped. The stereotypical so and so… you fill in the blanks… is alive!!! IT’S ALIVE!!!!


This entry was posted in Arte del Cortejo, Otros cuentos, Quotes. Bookmark the permalink.

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