These past few months have been difficult for me, I’ve been dealing with a very painful loss, the kind that leaves a hole in your chest and make you feel like you can’t breathe.
These past few months have been filled with nightmares (quesadillas), tummy aches and tears, hopes of everything changing back and finally acceptance that he is gone.
These past few months have also been filled with these wonderful experiences and happiness and sometimes bliss. This moment coincided with the healing of everything that had broken in the past two and fourteen years… I saw my prayers being answered, I enjoyed things the way I used to… before it all broke. The first times it happened I was pretty amazed that I could feel that way again… Then it became more constant, the laughter became stronger and I heard my voice again, loud and off tune! I started feeling unbroken… I recognized myself in the mirror again. The wounds I thought would never heal, did… The ones that I thought would change the way I loved, they healed too… I´ve made two new beautiful friends and kept the old ones, they still feel like new… I went to the beach when no one was there, I ran naked, I bathed and let the waves kiss me, hit me, tear my bathing suit off…I gazed and got lost in the stars… I slept all morning in a hammock and swam in a sweet pool of water.
I’ve had coffee dates with my friends where laughter was the main course, so much laughter that our sides felt like they burst, parties and dancing. Long phone calls with a new friend, a friend forever, a brother. A sister, two sisters… movie night, crying nights, laughing nights, hating nights.
A symphony… 40 people making noise that is so beautiful and powerful, a strong drug that makes your mind fly into love, discussions, analysis, waves of beauty and amazement.
A dream… the dream… a beautiful man, whose name was joie de vivre…after the kissing I woke and for the first time I feel like I could fall in love again…